it's certainly been quite a while...

how can i describe the past month and a half.

confusing?
disheartening?
enlightening?
refreshing?
scary?
hard?
crushing?


probably all of the above.


these past few weeks have been very different for me from the months before them. from november(ish) to mid-april i was playing gigs like crazy. (now, when i say like crazy...that probably means about once or twice a week.) i was teaching lessons at the same time...so the weeks seemed somewhat busy.

but then i went through what i would like to dub a 'artist drought'. i wasn't playing very many gigs...in fact weeks would go by without unloading/loading gear into a venue even once. it was a really rough time for me. i started to question who i am as a artist. (and questioning for me has always been scary) during those weeks though, i wrote more than i've written in probably the past two years. most of it will only ever be heard by the walls of my basement...but some of it is good. so good, in fact, that i've been feeling the bite of the recording bug at my ankles...

must save money.


anywho...things have started to take a turn...and this month is going to be beyond jammed for me. i've got lessons every week (twice a week now) gigs on the 10, 11, 12, 14, 17, 18, 19, and i think 29th...i'll be going out of town TWICE (once for a wedding...once for music stuff)...


and in the meantime i will be thinking-it is not my gigs that make me a artist. while the gigs are nice...and help pay the bills, being a artist is so much more.

it's seeing colors more brilliantly, hearing the chirps of birds or the cry of a baby and not being annoyed, crying harder than you could ever dream, living life with friends that will last the rest of my life on earth (and after), traveling to places most people would deem irresponsible and a waste of time, smiling at a stranger whose face is overcome with doubt...


that is what it means to be a musician. to be an artist. to be who i was created to be.